#and now i'm in insurance hell trying to get it covered so i can go pick it up and start my boy journey more thoroughly

[the-balloon-shed]

imma be honest I want to make a fic of this one day but for right now you just get me running wild with this headcanon

you know how there's those videos of surgeons being "inspirational" to their interns and then saying the meanest shit in the world? yeah, I think that's Iceman as an instructor at TOPGUN. 

Just the dry, rough sense of humor? The perfectly attenuated phrase in order to knock the arrogance out of some of these scrappy pilots? That's Iceman. The evidence is there in TG86! it's ICE who is saying the most bratty shit to Maverick. His criticisms are almost always valid or born of a real curiosity that's worth looking into, which I think is key, but he expresses it in the rudest and most inciting way possible. 

"Who was covering Cougar while you were showboating --"; (in response to Slider's calling Goose and Mav "famous") "I think you mean notorious"; "I don't like you 'cause you're dangerous" -- I mean Ice is right but he's also a bitch. (we don't have time to unpack ALL of what went into Ice goading Maverick seconds after meeting him with "need help figuring it out? who's the best pilot?" like my god man). 

So, some contenders for some of the commentary Ice might have for his students -- 

"Keep flying like that, I'm going to assume you're getting kickbacks from the military hospital." 

"I can only hope one day you fly for the enemy." 

"I was thrilled to hear the Navy's policy initiative for accommodating more disabilities went into action this year, however, I do think they should reconsider sending me blind pilots." 

"Are you on your wingman's life insurance or something?" 

"What did I say about making the same mistake twice?" "At least tell you I've learned something?" "No. What I said is don't." 

"Resist the urge to help me."

"I'm not looking for the best you can do. I'm looking for the best, period. So if you can't do any better, I suggest trying to emulate somebody else who can." 

"Well, you're no Artful Dodger, but artless dodging kept you alive well enough this time, I suppose." (I think it would be funny if he incidentally gave this poor pilot the callsign Dodger because of this, or A.D. for Artless Dodger)

"Did the Academy change its curriculum? Emphasize the element of surprise?" "Um... why do you ask, sir?" "Because you fly like you've never been inside a plane before." 

And I think he might say this to a colleague trying to pull rank over him that he neither respects nor cares about:

"I've neither the time, nor the crayons, to explain this to you." 

I think Mav would be so annoyed, too. "why do I have the reputation for being hard to work with when you're going around saying the meanest crap to these kids?" 

All Ice would do is laugh. "Sounds like a personal problem." 

Not to say that Ice is an asshole without restraint. Hell, the Iceman is all about restraint. He doesn't kick people when they're down. He doesn't say cutting stuff like this to people who are genuinely trying and not being a showoff. This is to knock overly arrogant kids down a few pegs, not send people into a shame self-doubting spiral, and Ice is usually pretty damn good at walking that line. 

Like, I imagine one of the students not understanding something to do with the physics portions of their classes and so he goes to Ice super nervous about getting reamed, and Ice is very patient with him. When Mav comes in and starts talking to Ice about instructor stuff, the student goes "oh, I can come back later, you know I think I'm getting it!" out of fear of wasting Ice's time and Ice would chuckle and be like "no, you clearly don't get it, and that's fine. Easier to teach you on dry land as opposed to up in the air, so let's keep working through it. Long as Mav's not about to talk to me about anything confidential --" which Mav shakes his head no "--alright, then how about you sit right there and keep working at it until you get it, and you will get it. If you've got the time, I've got the time, so let's get it done," and the kid stays in the office and keeps working at it for hours, occasionally checking his work with Mav and Ice until, voila, he does actually get it and also has a whole new understanding of Ice. 

Or if, god forbid, anyone had an accident, Ice would be all over trying to help with that (and help Mav work through it too) and protecting the students from any fallout from the brass because fuck them, they don't know what it's like to be in the air anymore. 

I also think that before the TOPGUN class starts, Ice would find Mav checking on all the canopies of all the jets and, once Ice realized that was what Mav was doing, would spend the next several hours with him helping out and making sure everything was operating properly, even though engineering had already looked at them. Can never be too sure, and if it provides Mav peace of mind, then Ice will do it, no questions asked. 

And so, despite saying some of the rudest crap most of these students have ever heard, they all love him. They all respect the ever-living-crap out of him, and learn to find him actually just kind of funny. It'd be a lot harder to like him if he were wrong, but he's so rarely wrong that in the end even the ones who do get pissed off at him manage to calm down. Students, as they graduate and leave TOPGUN, would probably talk to other graduating classes when they meet them on deployments like "oh my god, what did he say to your class?" "he once said --" "I didn't find it funny then but now I laugh every time I think about it -- " "he helped me figure out how to do..." so on so forth. 

There are a couple of the brass that aren't amused, but I think that's where Mav would come into play in his own way. Because Ice is good at what he does, and Mav sure as hell wants him around, and so should everyone else. Ice is just also not afraid to be an asshole about being good -- which the last person this is news to is Maverick. 

Maverick's just the only one Ice has encountered who can give as good as he gets, which is why as instructors, they do a pretty damn good job working together to whip their classes into shape. It's just funny that never in a million years did Mav think he'd be the "good cop" in their good cop/bad cop instructor situation, but he's resigned himself to his fate all the same. 

[calcitedraws]

Comet City Chapter 5

Chap 1 Chap 2 Chap 3 Chap 4

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The world came back in spots of black and bursts of color. The first thing you can sense is the deep seated throbbing coming from what feels like the core of your head. You open your eyes with a deep groan, rolling onto your back. That debris hitting you would have killed any non-mutated person. 

But sitting still means being a target, so you sit up. But a hand shove you back down, leaning weight onto you. There’s screaming but you can’t make it out, your ears are ringing. When did they start doing that? In the weaves of color and splotches, you make out Techbytes mask. Then, he's gone.

Your vision comes back as you see Zenith scrambling to you. You can't hear what he's saying, but he clutches you, pulling you onto his lap as he checks your face. All you can do is blink until you feel your senses come back. 

You sit up, taking in the now trashed downtown area. Paramedics just got here apparently, because you see people being carried in stretchers. 

“Talk to me! Please!” Zenith pleads, clutching your shoulders. You finally look him in the eye. He looks… terrified. In all your years of seeing him on the screens, he'd never looked scared before. 

“I'm fine… where the hell did he go?!” You grunt, getting to your feet with much difficulty. The world felt sideways but you couldn't focus on that.

“He's gone. He… he checked on you and left.” He says, putting a hand on your shoulder to steady you. You glance at the rest of his hero team across the street, focusing on rescue efforts.

“I should go…” You mumble, stumbling away.

 Zenith tries to follow, about to call out to you, but someone on his hero team calls his name. He freezes, torn. You nod to him before using your shadows to vault away. 

Zenith just stands there, watching as you leave, his jaw set and his eyes wide.

—-------

When you finally get home, you're wiped. Your head hurts and all you can do is collapse on the couch. When your phone rings, you hiss but look to see that it's Arlo calling. So you sit up and answer it. The line is silent for a moment.

“Arlo?” You murmur, rubbing your forehead. He breathes your name, soft and low.

“I saw the news about Techbyte, are you… okay? I saw a lot of people have gotten hurt. Are you okay?” He asks, urgently. You grumble, willing your aching knees to stand. You shuffle into the kitchen to grab water.

“I'm okay. Banged up but okay. I'm going to call out of work tomorrow.” You sigh. You didn't want to go to the hospital… your injuries could be explained but being discovered wasn't something you could risk.

“I see… and you're not going to the hospital?” Arlo asks. You freeze. His tone is… he sounds very serious.

“Nah, my insurance is shit. I'll be fine.” You say, trying to laugh it off. By the time you saw Arlo next, you could just say that the injuries were very minor. But if he saw you now, you couldn't work your way out of answering as to why it healed so quickly.

A tense pause hung over the line. You shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the light. A few inches above your eyebrow sat a two and a half inch oblong of scraped off skin. You looked like shit: covered in dirt, exhausted, bleeding from several scrapes, and a hand-sized bruise forming over the spot you got hit with the stray chunk of debris which was still pissing blood. 

“Feeling great. But I'm just tired.” You say, seething slightly as you grab a hand towel to start cleaning the wound on your head. 

“I'm… I don't believe you. You sound like you're in pain, I'll be right over.” Arlo insists, quiet but determined. He hangs up before you can protest. You panic, looking around your apartment as if expecting the walls to give you answers. You take a look at yourself in the mirror again. Knowing him, he would be here in ten minutes flat. 

You stumble into the shower after frantically peeling your clothes off. You didn't have much time, so you just scrub the dirt off and comb your hair before hopping out and quickly pulling pajamas on. 

“Cool and casual.” You seethe to yourself, stumbling back to your bathroom. You hear a knock at the door and curse under your breath. All you can do is slap a large bandage on your fat head wound before opening the door to a disheveled Arlo. He walks in, a large paper bag cradled in one arm. You close the door behind him as he sets the back down and turns to you, his face falling. 

“It's not so bad! Really, I'll be up and at ‘em the day after tomorrow!” You chirp, trying not to wince as he turns on the lights. He approaches, nervously.

“You're… really okay?” He hums, gently cupping your chin to tilt your head, examining the bandage. You murmur a soft yes. There's no use telling him not to fuss over you a bit, just to let him get it out of his system.

“You're such a mother hen. What are those groceries?” You chuckle, gesturing to the paper bag. He glances at it for only a moment.

“Some of it is.” He sighs, smoothing a soft thumb over the bandage on your forehead. You place a hand on his shoulder.

“Arlo, relax.” You say, insisting but lighthearted. He shushes you and waves you over to the couch. With no energy or room to argue, you sit, shifting to get comfortable as Arlo brings the bag over, pulling out a first aid kid.

“Oh my god, Lo, you can't be serious.” You say, trying to downplay the situation. He shoots you a glare and you pipe down. Sometimes you just have to let Arlo do his thing. He unzips the case and gets to work, gently wiping your scrapes (you didn't notice how many you had) with an alcohol wipe.

When he deems the job done, he pulls out two boxes of colorfully themed band aids, one aquarium themed and one space themed. You chuckle.

“Pick.” He says, showing the boxes to you. Somehow you already felt….better. Less scared. You pick a box and he smiles, nodding. You extend your hands to accept the box but he just tears it open and starts putting them on by himself.

“I can do it by myself.” You say, a bit embarrassed.

“I know.” He sighs, smoothing a bandaid over a particularly nasty scrape. You turn your head, trying to hide how warm your face got. Arlo has always been… reliable. You never thought too hard about it until now. 

“What about you? You weren't around during the attack, right?” You ask, suddenly realizing you didn't ask. You felt a pit of guilt in your stomach. Why didn't you think to ask if he was okay?!

He pats your shoulder, smiling a bit nervously, “I'm fine… I keep my nose out of trouble unlike you.” 

You sigh, rubbing your arm. You're happy he's okay. He gets to the final scrape, one on the back of your hand. After that, he just sits there, frozen, your hand resting in his. He lets out a deep sigh, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand before getting up and putting a kettle on the stove. 

You stare at him quietly. He'd never really done something like that before.

“Feeling okay?” You ask. Arlo simply nods, shuffling about the kitchen. You turn the TV on, switching to the news for some background noise. 

—---------

When you wake up, it's dark in the apartment. You lazily open your eyes, seeing the TV is still on, it seems Arlo switched it to a nature documentary. You can sense him sitting next to you. He isn't touching you, but you can tell he's near.

“You're awake?” His voice is hushed, barely above a breath. You nod, sitting up instead of being half slumped over. You rub your eyes, still exhausted. The documentary seems to be about baby seals. 

But there's a growing pit in your stomach, thinking about Techbyte’s attack. If you had gotten hit, then…?

You pull out your phone, intending to look up what happened. But Arlo reaches his hand out, placing his palm over your screen. You glance at him, quirking an eyebrow.

“I know what you're going to do. Don't.” He hums, soft. You sigh and put the phone down. 

“... Have you ever thought about taking a safer job? One that keeps you away from villains? A journalist reporting about heros that often isn't… it isn't safe.” He murmurs, soft and tense.

You glance at him. His eyebrows are furrowed, his shoulders slumped slightly.

“No can do.” You chuckle, leaning back. He side eyes you, his expression slightly pained. He just… stares at you. You turn your head to stare back. 

The lights from the screen highlight his face: his soft cheekbones, his narrowed blue eyes with the ring of gold, his slightly down turned nose… 

By the time you realize it's been a hearty pause, just staring at each other, the air is still.

“I care about you… I'm scared that one day that-” He stops himself, staring down at his knees, his fists clenched. 

You gently place a hand on his and he turns to you, shifting to face you, taking both of your hands in his. He presses his forehead against the backs of your hands. 

“I need you to be safe.” He whimpers, pained and strained. You sigh deeply. By being a vigilante, you could protect good people like him, people who might not have gotten help in time otherwise. You gently rest your forehead against the top of his head. You needed to protect Arlo. You needed to protect decent people.

“I am. Look at me I'm in one piece, no?” You hum.

He sits back up, resting his hands on your upper arms.

“No! No! I wish you'd put some more care into your life. You're…” He sighs out your name, leaning in. “You're too precious to me. Promise to be more careful.” He pleads.

You sigh, gently taking his face into your hands, smoothing your thumb over his cheek. Yes, Arlo was precious to you.

You start to tell him this before you pause. 

“You have freckles… I hadn't noticed it before.” You hum, smoothing a thumb under his eye. Despite his eye bags, he has whisper-light freckles across his cheeks. 

He gently cradles the back of your head, playing with the little hairs at the nape of your neck.

“... May I?” He murmurs, soft.

You tilt your head. It took you a moment to understand what he meant. 

You had known Arlo for years, ever since you moved to Comet City. He was your closest friend and so dear to you…

“... You may.” You murmur, cracking a slight smile. His eyes flashed, slightly surprised. He doesn't make a move, so you do.

You close your eyes. You felt your noses brush. Then you felt his soft breath hit you, warm. 

You lean in, gently pressing your lips to his. It was soft, nothing too much too quickly. You were suddenly hyper aware of Arlo in his entirety. His breathing, his soft cologne, how light his fingertips were as they found the small of your back. You raise your hand, pressing your fingertips against his jawline. The way his heart thumped like a hummingbird made you feel a bit… happy, in a way. At least you weren't the only nervous one.

When you pull away, it feels like the air is buzzing despite how chaste the kiss was.

“I'd like… to take you to dinner after you heal.” He says. You chuckle, resting your forehead against his shoulder.

[frostedsugarcookiehearts]

-> side dish ! : birthday boy

tldr ; it's schlatt's bday ! + interpret the relationship however u want! -> a / n : my basically bday twin 🤪 happy bday big man ! 💌 : mixtape to this fic ; in love or whatever by future teens

,, the birthday boy made it up all by himself ! look at you, "

you tease as schlatt walks through the doorway, grumbling about 'the time' and ruffling his hair, yawning as he dragged himself into the kitchen of his apartment.

,, fuck off, s'too early for this. an' it's my birthday, you can't be mean to me on my birthday. "

he grumbles, slumping over the counter and burying his face in his hands.

,, you're right, the big two-five! sprouting any gray hairs yet, dude? filled out the retirement papers? hey, when you die, will i get your life insurance? "

you snicker, jabbing him in the arm playfully, even though he was a pretty big guy and probably could've easily slammed your face into the counter in his grumpy mood.

,, fuck you. i dunno why i even give you a spare key, "

he huffs, but an amused smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, though he coughs loudly to cover it up.

,, 'cause i'm your favorite person in the whole world? "

you jab, a shit-eating grin on your face as you lean forward on your knees, sitting on the barstool of his kitchen counter.

,, never said that, never will. "

he grumbles.

,, you'll be singing a different tune after today, because i got some big birthday plans for you, jay! "

you chirp in a sing-song voice, pulling out your phone and turning on new york kiss by spoon.

,, suuure... bud, you're always listenin' to music all the time. you act like you're in a 2000s romcom or somethin'. y'know this is real life, right, not a damn taylor swift song or 10 things i hate about you? "

schlatt jabs, scoffing playfully as he ruffles your hair, making you stumble back and forth like a bobblehead.

,, maybe you could use a bit more taylor in your life, "

you argue,

,, -and besides, don't get all grumpy on me now. i have a day planned ahead for you, don't put it to waste ! "

he mutters about 'dumb shit' and 'wanting to sleep in more', but he groans and puts on some more acceptable clothes to wear in public before leaning against the doorway, watching you in the outfit you'd set out to wear on his birthday.

,, ya like? "

you flash a grin, spreading your arms out wide so he could see the outfit and doing a twirl to get the 360 view.

,, eh, i look better. "

he snickers, crossing his arms, then shaking his head and admitting begrudingly,

,, ya look alright. "

you gasp playfully, feigning clutching your chest in utter shock, pretending to gasp for air dramatically.

,, did you just.. compliment me? oh my god, have we looked out the window? are pigs flying? has hell frozen over? "

playing into your joke, you frantically search the windows, pulling the blinds away and trying to spot either a) pigs flying or b) hell freezing over. schlatt lets out a snicker at this, putting up his hands in surrender.

,, hey, i can be nice sometimes! now get yer ass movin', i wanna see my surprise. "

he huffs like a little kid, pouting dramatically as you excitedly shove him out the door and drone on and on about how this birthday is going to be his best yet, how no other birthday in his 25 years of living will ever compare to this.

the two of you stop in front of an old-fashioned diner that says bel aire diner in big letters.

,, here we are! "

you beam, gesturing to the diner. the inside was bustling with people, the diner seemingly a fan favorite for the locals. you knew schlatt had a soft spot for older places and media, like for example loving radiohead or his video game highschool fixation in place of newer media.

,, wow, this place actually looks.. kinda cool. "

the two of you walk in as a peppy host ushers you to your table, where ted is sitting with a wide grin on his face.

,, jay! "

he beams as schlatt seems to light up, a dopey grin on his face as he pats him on the back.

,, hey, man! woah, i didn't know you were in new york. you been keepin' somethin from me? "

he jests playfully as ted politely shakes his head, chuckling a little bit and tilting his elbow towards you.

,, nah, they asked me to come to celebrate your 'big birthday bash'. "

ted explains, gesturing to you wearing a proud grin, puffing out your chest and crossing your arms as to say 'yup, that was me.'

,, you invited ted? "

schlatt's eyes widen comically as he sputters, his gaze darting between you, then ted, then back again like you guys were in a cartoon.

,, well don't sound so surprised. i can be nice occasionally or whatever. i'm a sweetheart, y'know. "

you joke, causing ted to giggle as schlatt scoffs, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, a smirk on his face.

,, and we got you a booth, cause we know how big of a baby you are about not getting one. "

ted adds, ripping on schlatt a little bit as he nudges him playfully, sliding into the booth as you and schlatt scoot into the seat across from him, shoulder-to-shoulder, facing ted. schlatt grumbles a begrudging 'thank you'.

after chatting about work and ted ordering a sandwich and sliding it over to schlatt, exclaiming, "we have to eat it together! it's a sandwich, and we can chuckle and it makes CHUCKLE SANDWICH! get it, ha-" before ted got smacked upside the head by schlatt as you quietly snickered in the background. the three of you chatted about sports and any interesting 'online tea' you'd heard, ted going on a long rant about a youtube rabbit hole he went down about some niche content creator and schlatt talking about his trip to japan with ted and how he explored his photography hobby while there. they ask you about your life, and you go into animated detail about practically every interaction you've had since you informed them last (which they've come to expect at this point: a 'how is your day?' is never a polite greeting to you, it's always an excuse to load your day on anyone who'll listen). ted and schlatt, your friends, were willing to listen, which you appreciated a lot.

,, ...and here's one of ted and i's gifts to you, big man! "

you pull out a box from under the table where schlatt can't even fathom where you got it from, sliding the white mysterious box onto the middle of the table. both with expectant grins, you and ted open the box to reveal a white cake with sprinkles inside and red frosting on the rim that says YOU ARE OUR FAVORITE PAIN IN THE ASS.

immediately upon seeing it, schlatt bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

,, the hell kinda cake is this? it's s'podda say somethin' nice, like 'happy twenty-fifth' or 'your mutton chops are sexy', not- that! "

he complains in between bouts of laughter, gasping for air and clutching the edge of the table as he did.

,, well... " ted turns from you to schlatt, grinning proudly that he loved your guys's gift so much. ,, the mutton chops are very sexy. but we though this fit better with your.. sunshine personality. "

,, sunshine personality, "

schlatt echoes, snickering as he grabs a nearby fork and knife, cutting off a slice for himself and, a surprise to all three of you, also cutting you a generous slice and tossing it onto your plate, making a sploot! sound as it landed on your plate, a little smushed. you looked up at him, puzzled, but he shot you a warm grin before digging into his cake like a damn toddler, getting cake all over his face, making ted forcefully shove a napkin down his shirt as a makeshift bib, getting odd looks from nearby customers.

,, you make this? " he turns to you, talking with his mouth full of food as he stabs the cake with his fork. you nod. ,, this is damn good. i'm gonna need you to make this more often. or maybe i should just have a birthday more than once a year to get it, yeah? "

,, that's not possible, dumbass." you quip.

,, i would get a fuckin' time machine and go back in time to make myself be born twice just to get this damn cake. happy now, doctor-who? "

he jokes back, snickering as he chews with his mouth open like a rabid dog, causing ted to chastise him like a mother and clap his jaw shut.

after a particularly exciting yankees game (you paid to put his name on the jumbotron that said happy birthday, which made him burst into a huge grin and exclaim, they know me, man! look how damn awesome that is! you didn't have the heart to tell him you paid for it, so you decided to nod along and pretend the yankees stadium were just huge jschlatt fans.) dutifully per schlatt's request, you lugged his digital camera around, filming his excitable reactions to the game, gushing about baseball and his 'career back in the day' (middle school baseball team), you and ted begrudgingly listening to the story he'd told hundreds of times.

after getting back to schlatt's apartment by taking a brisk walk through the new york city streets, ted informed you guys he was gonna 'hit the hay early' (,, dude, no one says that anymore. you're not a grandpa. " you and schlatt quip in unison the minute he says that, sharing a look of surprise before the three of you burst out laughing). this lead the two of you to sit on the roof of schlatt's apartment, both sipping a comically-sized jug of lemonade in place of his usual alcohol. (he admitted to you earlier, his voice laced with nostalgia: ,, wanna remember this later or somethin. "), making you break out into a grin and tugging him onto the rooftop, which is where you both were now.

where'd all the time go? by dr. dog echoed in the background as you two looked over the skyline, pointing at how everyone looked so small from up here, remincising about life, childhood memories, hardships and funny stories from the day, making light jabs at ted or about how messy schlatt's apartment, and how you were 'the party master' and expected a birthday bash just as good for when it came 'round to yours.

after a beat of silence, you stared down at the new york city skyline, the bright lights flashing in their face. you mulled over how, out of all those people down there who looked so small, they each had their own life, friends, family, goals, enemies, favorite things, favorite movies, etc. how statistically, one of those tiny people's birthday was also today, making that tiny person a birthday twin with your favorite person in the whole wide world, schlatt. the realization dawned on you as you muttered quietly before taking a sip of lemonade:

,, ...jay, of all those tiny people down there, am i your favorite? "

you joked playfully, but it was one of those jokes that was testing the waters of seriousness and playfulness. it was a bit between you two for you to proclaim that you were his favorite person, and schlatt to always grumpily reply 'no way' or 'you wish.' a hint of vulnerability was in your voice as you asked, wondering if your inside joke was just jest or you were just truly another person to schlatt.

,, course. "

he answered without skipping a beat, shooting you a cocky grin (but what you knew as a warm smile) before he too took a sip of lemonade, mirroring your movements as the breeze brushed against his hair tucked away in the yankees cap.

fic playlist:

-> new york kiss , spoon

-> uptown girl , billy joel

-> where'd all the time go? , dr. dog

& creds to the lovely @mikeykuns for the cute little cake dividers. you divider makers are what's keeping us fic makers ALIVE for reals ! you control my life support /j

tysm for everyone who reads, comments, upvotes, etc. i hope you all have wonderful birthdays, wherever they are. take care! - jamie

[bellysoupset]

"Bell?" Lucas frowned, rolling on the bed only to realize it was empty. This was beyond rare, in all six years they had been together, he could count in one hand the amount of times Bella had woken up first.

He rubbed his eyes, looking around the room, then noticed the bathroom door shut. Luke stumbled up, yawning and checking his alarm. It was a little before 7, which meant his alarm was just about to go off and also an ungodly hour for Bella to be awake.

"Are you alright?" Luke tapped his knuckles softly against the bathroom door, "Bell?"

He nearly fell inside as the door opened suddenly. Bella's face was whiter than he had ever seen it, big blue eyes the size of plates. Panic was written all over her face and it immediately woke Luke up, all vestiges of sleep vanishing as he asked, "what is it?"

"I-I..." Bella stepped back, to let him inside the bathroom, and he looked around, more than a little confused.

"What's wrong? Bell?"

"I don't-" she was shaking like a leaf and then pointed at the toilet, only for him to see blood. So much blood. Blood enough that he couldn't even think it was a period.

"What the fuck-" Lucas' head swam, a woozy feeling washing over him, and he turned to look at his wife, horrified, "Bella, sit down! What are you doing up, what- Jesus Christ, that's so much blood-" he grabbed her by the arms, pulling her to sit down on the ground and throwing the toilet lid closed, "what- that's not a-"

She shook her head, little sweat dots covering her forehead, "I'm not on my period..." Bella's hands shook, severely, "I think, I- Right?"

Right.

Luke nodded, understanding perfectly what she was implying, "you need to go to the hospital," he decided, firmly, his fear surrounding the place be damned.

"Do I?" Bella all but whined and he stared at her in disbelief, before nodding.

"Yes, baby. Now, this is- Yeah, hospital," he was struggling to make any sense, but so was Bella. She was clutching his arm like a child as he pulled her up, stumbling forward to the bedroom.

Lucas promptly pushed her sitting down on the bed, moving around in a frenzy trying to put together a bag and changing into some jeans, "c'mon, let me-"

"I can walk," she mumbled, with no heat in her voice, sounding beyond dazed and Luke shook his head.

"I have no idea if you should be walking, you're not walking," he scoffed, picking her up bridal style. She was cold to the touch, was this right?

Lucas couldn't tell how they got from their house to the hospital, he couldn't even tell where the hell he had parked. All he knew was that suddenly he was standing in the waiting room after the nurse took Bella away for some tests and that he was struggling not to throw up.

"Luke?" Wendy's voice cut through the haze. She looked confused, holding a clipboard in her hand, "sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

"I-Bell, she- Uh-" he stumbled over his words and Wendy's eyebrows shot up. She took a step forward.

"Alright, sit down," gently she pushed him backwards until his knees hit a plastic seat and Lucas collapsed on it, still struggling to form a coherent thought. Wendy moved away, then came back with a paper cup filled with water, "here. Drink up."

He chugged it down, staring ahead, and Wendy crouched down between his legs, "what happened with Bell?"

"I don't know," Lucas shook his head, his voice coming out all squeezy and weird, "not a period, uhm- miscarriage?" the word felt weird in his mouth, like it was just a string of syllables and sound and didn't have any actual meaning. Wendy's eyebrows jumped up, but other than that she only squeezed his hands in hers.

"Alright," she got up, "how long have you been here?"

"I dunno-" Lucas planted his elbows on his knees, trying to get rid of the shock, "I think twenty minutes? They put her ahead of everyone, but I have no idea if it was because its an emergency or because of her insurance, I- I don't know-"

Wendy squeezed his shoulder, "I'm going to find that out for you," she promised, "did you call anyone, Luke?"

Again he shook his head and she rubbed at his back, "do you want me to call someone?"

"No," Lucas frowned, starting to sober up, "I need to see her, I need to see my wife."

"Yeah, I'm going to find where she is and come get you, alright?" Wendy squeezed his shoulder again, in a sympathetic manner, than sped away as quickly as she could.

It didn't take long for Wendy to return, maybe only fifteen more minutes, but it felt like an eternity. By the time she did, reality was starting to sink in and Luke was much more present, although his hands wouldn't stop trembling.

Bella had been moved to a room and she was sickly yellow, all the golden tan she sported having vanished. Other than that though, and the fact she was now wearing a gown, she looked normal.

"Lu," Bell's hands were shaking too, as she raised them for Lucas to take and he immediately moved closer, squeezing her hands in his and kissing her knuckles. He sat down next to her bed, while Wendy moved to the opposite side of Bell's bed, petting her hair softly.

"Your doctor is coming back in a couple minutes, do you want me to stay?" she asked and Bella opened a small smile, but shook her head no. Wendy nodded, leaning in to kiss her friend's forehead, "alright. I'll talk with you guys later."

On her way out, she squeezed Lucas' arm in a friendly manner and then quietly shut the door behind her.

He took one breath, hearing Bella choke up a whimper, and Luke had just opened his mouth to say something, when she interrupted him, "I swear I didn't know."

He closed his mouth, stunned, as Bella sat up slowly as if her stomach hurt, so she could look him in the eye, "I promise, I wasn't hiding it from you or-"

"Bell," Luke frowned, "baby, I didn't think you were. And even if you were, it wouldn't matter. I'm worried about you, are you in pain?"

Her bottom lip trembled and she shrugged slightly, forcing out a breath as if she was trying really hard not to cry, "a little. They're like heavy cramps, but the nurse told me it was normal... I'm scared."

I am too, Lucas thought, but decided this was not the moment to share that. Instead he leaned in to kiss Bella's forehead, "you're going to be fine," he promised, "nothing's going to happen with you."

Bella leaned on his touch, little tiny tears managing to escape from the corner of her eye and she roughly rubbed at her cheek before they managed to run down. She brought his hand — still intertwined with hers — up to her mouth and pressed a kiss to its back, "it doesn't feel real at all."

It really didn't. Ever since Bella had brought up those 3 months of a missing period, they had doubled down on protection, since they agreed this was just not the time yet. It was an strange feeling to be both terrified and sad for something they didn't even want.

The doctor was a much older woman, wrinkly and soft, and she had taken one look at their clasped hands and scared faces, then sighed heavily.

It had been a miscarriage, yes, and there was still more blood to come out, but the doctor told them they'd try the less invasive approach and have her take medication to purge the rest of it at home, instead of a the minor procedure in the hospital.

"Unless you want it?"

"No," Bella shook her head and Luke, who had been already feeling a whole new level of nausea at the idea of her being put under by anesthesia, let out a sigh of relief, "I wanna go home."

"Alright," the doctor jolted it down on her chart, "I also want you to go to an obgyn for a general check up, I'll have the front desk schedule you an appointment. This could be an one and off, but you're young and it doesn't hurt to check. In fact, if you're planning on building a family soon, I'd recommend both of you get a check-up."

Bella turned her head to look at Lucas, then back at the doctor, surprised and a little offended, "are you saying the baby was my fault?"

Luke cringed at his wife's language more than he did at her tone. She was, understandably, angry, but he couldn't help but shudder at the usage of baby.

"Of course not, Mrs. Atwood," the doctor frowned at her, "I'm saying that while what happened today is not abnormal, if you're considering having a baby soon, you should have all your exams updated. It's to your own benefit."

Bella cringed at the use of Mrs. Atwood, as if she wasn't used to it by now, and nodded slowly, "okay... Yeah, alright," she agreed, turning to look at Luke and squeezing his wrist, "we'll do it."

He nodded too, although he wasn't sure if she understood the full extent of what them nodding along meant. Whatever calmed her down at the moment, whatever got rid of that haunted look in Bell's eyes, Lucas decided.

"Good," the doctor smiled, "I'll let the front desk know and I'll also leave the prescriptions with them."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

As soon as she was gone, Luke let out a sigh of relief. Next to him, Bella let out a groan and curled up on the bed.

"That's just great," she pouted, rubbing her face as if she could wipe the defeat away, "fucking stellar."

"Hey, c'mere-" Luke moved as close as he possibly could without climbing on the bed, wrapping his arms around Bella and pulling her to him, pressing a kiss on the top of her head, "we're gonna get through this, alright? Like the doctor said, it was probably a fluke and we don't- We don't even want a baby now. We have plenty of time to figure this out."

Bella let out a hum, agreeing, her face pressed to his chest, "I know," she sighed, lips brushing on his forearm as she was curled up against him, "I'm just scared for future us, you know? Today was so scary and so- Soul crushing and I didn't even want this and I don't- I don't wanna go through this again, Luke. In the future, with a baby we do want and do love-"

He shuddered at the thought, pressing another kiss to her temple, "that's not gonna happen," he vowed, even though it was not the sort of thing he could promise, "we'll look into this and make sure that doesn't happen, alright?"

"Alright," Bella turned her head to look at him, opening a small, sad smile, "let's go home, Luke."

[bomberqueen17]

how it's going

yah well so. my winter of not being at the farm and instead having medical appointments is going about how you'd think, which is to say that i've run out of steam on making the medical appointments but do still have several to take care of.

i did manage to get my primary care physician to accept that i had an ADHD diagnosis (which last year she refused to help me get, but now that i have it, she's like ok cool great here's a referral for therapy). She's now prescribed me meds, and since I already tried the three major stimulant meds plus had prior (bad) experience with the one antidepressant they use, she prescribed me some weird anti-narcolepsy med that sometimes gets used. and i was supposed to start that two days ago but rite aid is still trying to get insurance approval. take a wild guess what kind of insurance i have!!

yeah united health isn't going to approve that one. so my avenues here might already be closed. but at least someone tried?

I have done a bit of sewing and a bit of exercise biking and a lot of snow shoveling (what a year). I got a mammogram and they called me right away and were like omg you gotta come back there was something weird there, and so i went back and they were like omg we gotta squash you SO flat to look at this, and i was like ow ow ow okay okay uncle and they were like yah we gotta ultrasound you this isn't good and i was like. if they have to cut my boobs off can i get robot ones???? (insert every emoji here in succession, the nine or whatever stages of grief is not enough to cover this)

and the ultrasound tech was like SO nice? and so gentle? and by then i'd been lotionless so long (you can't have lotion on your boobs before a mammogram! my dudes it is january i am a crocodile) that the water-based gel kind of stung? but it was okay and she made me wait and went and looked at the results with a doctor and came and took me aside and was like "Great news! It's nothing" and sent me home. which was like. so many ups and downs! what a wild ride! love this ending for me, this is actually the best possible ending ever.

Spent the entire next day in a vet waiting room because Chita had been peeing all over the basement. Verdict: not a UTI. But, she's got to start special kidney food. Have now spent an entire week trying to get the vet to give us the prescription we need in order to buy the stuff, somehow can't get this done, really don't know what the hell is happening.

So anyway now we just have puppy pads down in various corners of the basement, because Chita has Opinions about litterboxes that cannot be solved by simply having an array (five) of immaculate (Cat Attract(TM) litter-containing) boxes, because you see, she needs to pee NEXT TO a litter box according to some strange schedule, AS WELL AS in only SOME of them, and poo in others... Well at least it's all in the basement and she has not done this in any of the rooms where we actually live. But like. Gross dude.

In June Chita will be legally old enough to vote, though cats are not eligible to register alas, so I suppose we can just let her do what she wants since she probably knows best at this point.

Otherwise the only notable thing happening is the writing, at which i am making tremendous progress, so that's good. Therapist has been attempting to get me to form priorities and make to-do lists which is hilarious and I don't know how to convey to her that I am a feral goblin and Goals are not a thing I've ever historically managed to have, and I don't think she understands about novel-writing in particular (she was like oh you're making getting published a goal! and i'm like you don't understand how this industry works, this is a self-pub at best kind of economy and i will not be making money from this). But I am trying very hard to get a draft of this done as soon as I possibly can because I simply won't have time over the spring/summer/fall season, but I *might* have time to edit.

I've got eight chapters in the beta doc by now and having people read it and leave comments is absolutely working to keep me focused on it. <3 I can't convey enough how much that means. It is incredibly helpful. I never did make a discord or any way to discuss that so it's all gotta be in the comments but that is working for me for now. I have most of the plot hammered out and just have to like. Glue it together. So we shall see.

Except I keep letting myself get distracted doing backstory stuff so yesterday I wrote 2,999 words of literally just porn that is not in any way going to go into this novel, and i felt kind of bad about that but then I also wrote 3,914 words of action plot and cyborg dolphins (and mostly it is a guy passed over for a promotion trying to work around the incompetent they made into his manager, so like, relatable content but also with dolphins who can talk, so like, what's not to love) so I felt less bad about that.

I will include a snippet because I can.

A moment later, Mahina’s synthetic voice said “We did not find your convoy but other pod says ships that way.”  Tom nodded. “Yeah, I thought it might be too far,” he said.  “You know our range?” Mahina asked. Her vocabulary was very practical, but then, this was a major shipping lane. From the slightly greater height of the launch, he could see her better; she was large, an older female. The augmented dolphins lived longer, but she wouldn’t be old enough to remember before the treaties, he thought.  “I think so,” Tom said. “Mahina not so good at human number reckoning,” she said. “But if Ted know a pod’s range Mahina no need to try.” “Ted?” Tom said, startled into a laugh. “Is human name,” Mahina said. “It is,” Tom agreed. “Yes, I can be Ted.” “Ted,” Mahina said, with a decided affirmative whistle. The only way to add words to the brainwave-readers was for a fairly skilled human technician to do so, and one of them must at some point have been named Ted.

[lordelmelloi2]

we need help again...

I hate hate hate hate to make this post but we could really use some help. Mostly because I am uninsured until my job opens enrollment for its health insurance in June and on the eve of us signing the apartment lease tomorrow, I have contracted strep throat from my coworkers. Hooray!

I'm gonna try and get an appointment at the community health center doctor's tomorrow because I straight up don't have the money or time to go to the CVS minuteclinic across the street. They said it was $139 for a strep appointment without insurance, I said hell no... If I wait another day I can try and get a sliding scale $40 appt at the doctors. Right now is just stressful because we need money and because they didn't give us our security deposit back I'm not going to have enough money for my bills the beginning of the month. Plus there are literally THREE prescriptions I have asides from however much a Z pack will likely cost and one of them is an ointment from a compound pharmacy that I don't have money to pay for~!!!! 😭😭😭

Asides from that I am afraid that we miscalculated how much we have for rent for May so I'm trying to see about covering those costs so we aren't paying 3 days late into the month of May for our May rent first month. I really don't want to have a bad first impression with these people. They've been very kind to us so far with renting this new place but I don't want to push the limits.

I've already asked my dad for help but he wasn't able to spare enough for us to be totally covered + he needs me to pay him back by August. During the month of April I also applied to multiple credit unions for personal loans and got rejected...

So my total expenses are:

- Medication/Doctor's visit (including pre-existing prescriptions that I haven't had the money to pick up) ($160)

- Phone bill ($75 for this first month, should be going down next month as verizon charges my account with different coding)

- costs for rent/move (like hopefully $200 idk. I think we can swing the last hundred)

In addition: Because of my history of struggling with commissions due to my psychiatric disability, I don't really want to do this but if you donate a sum above $100 you can ask me to digitally paint something for you. Please no complicated requests or anything since I've been struggling with art for years now from depression/anxiety etc. but I would feel indebted to you if I didn't do anything. If this is something you'd like please DM me/send me an ask off anon.

* As for why we have been so financially fucked this month. Our current apartment complex (yes the one with the leaks, roaches, harmful construction noises etc.) has kept our security deposit which has us out $300 that we could've used towards the new place. They have fucked us over one last time.

My paypal as always is at: paypal.me/roseod

And please share if you can. Every reblog/donation of even a small amount is appreciated. Thank you all so much for supporting me.

[queenpiranhadon]

Could you possibly do a ninjago Cole x Baker reader

A/N: We're going to ignore how late this is LMAOOOO I'M SO SORRY ANONNNNN IT'S HERE NOW!!! Here's my masterlist!

Warning(s): Reader owns a bakery, reader's kinda clumsy- falls into a sack of flour, reader makes scones with flour (whichever type is left to imagine for my celiacs🤍), Cole accidentally wrecks the bakery, serpentine arc kinda? I don't watch Dragons Rising, cursing, reader is gn but is written with f!reader in mind, reader thinks of Cole like a puppy, Cole calls reader Master of Flour, reader hits unnamed serpentine in the head with a frying pan, Cole "asks" reader out on a date, mentions of nagas, not proofread!!

Pairing(s): Cole Brookstone x Baker!Reader

•─────•°•❀•°•──── ꜱᴜɴᴅᴀʏꜱ ────•°•☁︎•°•────•

It was your day off.  

So obviously, you’d spend it working.  

Your days off, Sundays in particular, were when you closed the bakery you owned for the day to restock your inventory of baked goods to sell. 

Most people would call you crazy, saying that you worked too much and that you shouldn’t work on your breaks.  

Thankfully, you weren’t most people. You loved to bake, especially from scratch (those who used mixes were not only lazy, but the results were always artificial to you). 

It was 6:47 AM, and you stretch out your arms, cracking your knuckles and get to work, spreading flour over workspace. 

Then, you take the same flour measuring it precisely before dumping it into the porcelain bowl you grabbed earlier. You walk over to the giant pantry storage unit you had in the back to grab the sugar and baking powder you needed, humming to yourself softly. 

Music flowed through your headphones, the tunes lifting your mood as the sun’s rays peek through the windows, a golden hour in the dawn of the morning.  

You grab your measuring cups, pouring the right amount of sugar into your bowl and then twisted open the top of the baking powder container.  

Yet the damn thing wouldn’t budge.  

“Come on...!” you groan the corners of your lips turning down. “You weren’t doing this last week!”  

You knew you sounded extremely stupid, talking to inanimate objects and trying to persuade them to cooperate with you – but you were alone, so it didn’t matter.  

“Stupid. Little. Piece. Of.” you grunt, smacking the lid against the edge of the countertop, but you didn’t anticipate the lid of actually pop off, the force you were exuding into the can made you bang your chin onto the countertop, and you fell backwards onto a sack of flour you hadn’t opened up yet.  

“Ah Shit!” you yelp, white powder billowing up around you from impact.  

You frown as the flour settles onto your form when you sit up– making you look like a humanoid snowman. 

Your body aches and you plop down, but you moment your head sinks into the grating fabric of the flour bag, a loud boom is heard throughout the cafe.  

You bolt right up, scrambling to your feet and sprinting out of the kitchen to find a big gaping hole in the place where the door of your precious bakery was supposed to be, along with 2/3s of the wall. 

“What the actual- AH!” you squeak, ducking down behind a table as a large chunk of drywall is sent sailing over in your direction.  

“Ah shoot sorry!” you hear a male voice call out from a little bit to your left.  

You wince as you see a man dressed in a black gi punches the tiled floor of your bakery, a large chunk of the earth from underneath shooting out of the floor.  

Your insurance sure as hell wouldn’t cover for this.  

You watch as the man tackles some weird serpent-like creature, almost like a naga, with humanoid hands, but had a head that resembled a snake.  

Your heart pounded as the man in black was thrown across the room, hitting one of the walls as the pictures hanging there fell, glass shards now litering the floor.  

You want to tear your hair out at this point, knowing that you’d probably be fifty by the time you could ever repair the damage- but in the grand scheme of things, that wasn’t your biggest concern.  

You needed to do something, and fast.  

Sprinting to your kitchen again, you size the possible weapons you had, choosing a wide frying pan that was evenly weighted in your hands. Quickly making your way back to the mysterious stranger that your door and then some, you see him wrestling with the snake-thing, attempting to trap it in a large boulder.  

Perfect. 

You creep on behind them, slowly and carefully, raising your frying pan. 

“TAKE THAT!” You yell, swinging the pan at full force as it contacted the serpent’s head, a loud clang resounded through the almost demolished building as the creature slumped forward, unconscious.  

The two of you stand there, in shock before the man before you lets out a low whistle.  

“Wow.” he says, removing the cloth that covered his face to reveal a head full of chin length black hair and honeyed amber eyes. 

Oh. 

Shit. 

You knew this face- you'd seen it on TV more than you’d like to admit. Cole Brookstone, one of the Masters of Spinjitsu, Master of the Earth. 

But, however, ninja or not, your store was still in shambles.  

You laugh wryly and raise an eyebrow. “Care to explain why my bakery is now a Borg Store after Black Friday?” 

The man snorts and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah...sorry about that. We’ve been trying to catch this guy for months now- stupid rat’s been trying to steal Pixal’s blueprints for some new mechs. Can’t believe all we needed was a frying pan.” 

You snort at that and wave your pan mockingly in his direction, and he feigns a look of terror on his face, stepping back and sighing dramatically. 

“Woe is me! Why is fate so cruel that I must die at the hands of the Master of Flour!” He cries in an ostentatious manner. 

It was then you realized, embarrassingly, that you still looked like a humanoid snowman. 

“Ah shit... sorry! I fell on top of a bag of flour when I was trying to make scones earlier before you...” you motion to the wreckage, not needed explanation. 

His eyes widen and his head droops in guilt. ‘Awww, like a puppy’ you think. 

“I really am sorry... maybe once I help you fix everything up, I can try one of those scones for myself?” he said, smiling slightly.  

Your heart warmed at this kindness, relieved that you wouldn’t be swallowing yourself in probably every job you could think of to repair the damage.  

“Is that a date?” you tease, thinking he’d playfully flirt back, but a boyish smile creeps across his face.  

“I mean, if you want it to be.” he says bashfully, looking down at the floor.  

You grin, grabbing his hand in your flour covered one.  

“I hope to see you soon then.” 

[ladylooch]

Being married to Lio and seeing his money.... blows her mind. Not just what he has made in the NHL but also the massive amount he begins inheriting from his parents. It's her first experience with generational wealth.

He’s always reminding her it’s her money now too once they’re married

I see that overwhelming her at times

As wild as it is to imagine for us normal folk, Lio Meier has not once been concerned about money.

His parents are obviously wealthy and with the right investments and decisions, that money grew like crazy. Over the years, they partnered with Swiss financial companies that advised them along the way, but also they're smart and it's a goal of theirs to hand this wealth down for generations to come.

When Lio signs his first contract, he immediately gets his own, separate advisement team from his parents to help him navigate this landscape too. Timo and Emma believe strongly that Lio needs to manage this new wealth on his own. They're not going to hold his hand and make investment decisions for him. They'll advise if he asks, but it's his responsibility to grow his money and ask the right questions.

Savannah on the other hand grew up modestly. She knows what money troubles are like, has seen it replicated in her family and she worked hard to make herself successful enough to become a homeowner before dating Lio. She is so proud of that! Except that being a homeowner means you're responsible for the repairs. When a sewer issue pops up that has to be addressed by Savannah, she literally chokes at the price of $15,000 quote to repair it.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. That is... so... I don't think insurance covers this. I didn't get extra insurance to cover a sewer line. Fuck!" She squeaks in the kitchen as she paces following her phone call with a second opinion plumber. Lio watches her, waiting for her to look at him.

"Is that a lot?" He wonders.

"Oh my god. Yes!" She exclaims. "I was thinking like $2,000! Max!" Her hands flail in the air then drop down, slapping her thighs.

"Oh." Lio raises his eyebrows then shrugs. He contemplates, doing quick math in his brain. He makes that much in 5 minutes of a game. But now doesn't seem like the time to say so. "I'll pay for it." Lio offers instead, thinking this will make her happy. Her face squints, his words having the opposite effect.

"I'm not a charity case, Meier." She hisses.

"Didn't say you were." Lio responds. "But I clearly have the money. If you don't, I can cover it."

"Oh, how nice of you." Except she sneers at him, making this all seem a lot less nice than Lio thought. "I don't need your money. I'll figure it out. Take out a loan or something."

"Why?" Lio squints. "That's ridiculous. What you're gonna take a loan out from a bank?" Lio scoffs. "I have more money than I know what to do with, Sav. You're not paying for this like that."

"I'm not taking your money." She says more forcefully. "I'll ask my parents for it."

"Oh my god." He rubs at his forehead aggressively. "Your parents know how much money I make. Hell, the world does. Do you understand how embarrassing that will be for me that you're asking them for money instead of accepting my help?"

"They're biologically obligated to take care of me." She insists, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lio looks away, biting his tongue against the old habits crawling to arise that want to lash out and breathe fire at her. He inhales deeply, trying to quickly sift through the top layers of this and get to the deeper issue. He places his palms flat on the counter, then meets her gaze.

"I hear you." He pauses, allowing his words to breathe between them so she understands his reflection. "But this isn't a hand out. This is me taking care of you. I want to do that, babe." He finishes quietly. It's true. Other than Lucie, Lio hasn't been good about taking care of people and this is a perfect opportunity for him to use his strengths to do so with the love of his life. "And if that still doesn't convince you then... just think about it as an early advance of our money. Because when I marry you, that's what it's going to be. Ours. Every franc."

Savannah's face drops into a soft, awe.

"What?" She murmurs, lips parted in a gasp.

"I said... when I marry you..." Her whole face reacts into a grin. "Oh, was that the part you liked?" He smiles back at her, taking her in with a loving gaze.

"Yeah. Again. One more time." She closes her blue eyes in bliss, shaking her head in disbelief.

"When I marry you Savannah Miller, all of what I have is yours too." He says slowly, dragging his words out with each step around the counter to her.

"Lee, I need that whole sentence on a loop." She mumbles against his mouth. Her hands crash around his shoulders. She pulls herself tight to him, all thoughts about the impending plumbing bill forgotten.

"I want this forever." He whispers, stroking his thumb across her cheek. "That okay?"

"It's everything." She answers.

"You're still not going to let me pay for this are you?"

"Oh, I'll let you pay for it." She concedes, much to Lio's relief. "But it's a loan. You decide how you want to be paid back."

"My way won't be legal." He chuckles honestly.

"Good thing there won't be any paperwork."

[cereusblue]

https://gofund.me/96bce824

Hi, all. So, I've had a day from hell and I'm too exhausted to re-explain on another platform. But here, I'll copy paste the story here. TLDR at the bottom. If you can't help, pass it on. Literally everything helps. Love you all.

Good day all, thank you for stopping your busy day to check my page.

Let me lay out the situation as best I can.

First off, some background for myself and my family. My fiancee and I only have(had) one functioning car between us when we took in a family member of his in an emergency CPS case. We are trying our hardest to take care of her and teach her how to be a person, but our schedules and only having one vehicle has made that a struggle. She has gotten a job just last week and is working hard to get on her feet. It's great and we are very proud of her! It's part time for the time being while she learns how to manage finances and how the world works.

However, since October things have started taking a turn for the worse. Between my fiancee and I, we both worked minimum wage and in October I bent over to put on a shoe and my back made a horrible crack noise. I went to the ER in immense pain and despite having insurance, I still got dumped with a hefty bill that to this day I am still trying to pay off. I have gone through physical therapy as requested by my doctor, since he didn't want to operate on someone of my age. However, it did nothing but agitate the problem. While I can now move around again, bending over and lifting anything past 15 pounds is strenuous. I'm in pain every single day and even sitting up is difficult most days. I can't stand up for long anymore before it becomes too much on my back. But things continue to happen, as they do. I was set to come back to see my surgeon this year but on Dec 29th in the last hour of the day, my job decided that an AI system could completely take over my job and laid me off. Getting unemployment as well as answers back from my previous work has been very difficult. My benefits were cut off with no chance to refill medications or see my surgeon. So, now my continued treatment to fix my back on top of my other health issues have all been put on pause. I've been working for almost two years now to get treatment and figure out what's wrong with my health, but I am now on a desperate search for a new job.

Which leads us to today. We are already strapped for money, and on a trip to an interview and my fiancee going to work, we got taken down a gravel road that looked deceptively fine. Driving across, the ice was far deeper than it appeared and it destroyed the grill, bumper, and wheel well (I believe that's what it's called) aka part of the frame that covers the front wheels broke and are hanging. That's not where it ends. So, I took the car to get it temporarily fixed so we could hopefully figure something out to get repairs done. The car got a temporary fix, and then I proceeded to take the car to pick up my fiancee from work. He and I began our drive back home, and as we were passing train tracks a doe jumped out into the road way too close to us. She only came into view as she appeared in the lights of the car, immediately getting bodied by the car. As you can see from the image, she destroyed the hood of the car and much more. I feel horrible for the poor thing and I hope she went quickly, noticing the fur and blood on the front bumper. We managed to get the car home, but the check engine light came on. This car is a Toyota prius. Anyone who knows anything about a prius knows they are basically tin cans. So, the worry is that the cooling system is busted now too. This will exponentially increase the amount we need to pay to repair the vehicle.

The worst part is, is that this is the only car we have to go to work and for me to go to interviews. I do have a car, but it's not in running condition right now. The poor thing is a 1999 and needs some parts replaced that we have not had the funds or availability to get a list of parts and have them replaced. The car also can't move anyway right now and would need towed. The prius is our only vehicle we have, and I don't have the funds to drop on fixing it. Insurance won't pay for it as far as we have been made aware by the body shop because of the type of insurance we have.

So, this is the current estimate we have to work with in regards to repairs. The entire front, hood, coolant system, and I know a few more pieces need replaced. The prius can run and be moved to a body shop at least, but paying for it will be a nightmare. If he can't get to work, we are in major trouble. My fiancee, his little sister, and I all rely on this car for work. While I'm still looking for work, I'm very limited because of my current physical state. We've spent a lot of money on my Healthcare already and every day are worried I'm going to reach for something and have my back crack again. While we are working on Medicaid, these things are proving a slow process. They also don't cover previous medical bills when I did have insurance. So, our only choice is to live off his income currently while I'm on a search for a new job every day. Our lives depend on this one car. Especially since we live out in the woods and work is 40 minutes away.

If you've read this far, I appreciate every single second of your time. Every single hand this gofundme goes through will be a huge help. If you can't help, that's okay, please don't stress your own financials if youre in a tough spot. If you can pass this along to anyone you can, that would be more than enough. Thank you again, and I wish you all better fortune this 2024.

For those who can't read the whole thing;

TLDR; Me and my family are already going through a lot of financial troubles with my health and being laid off, our only mode of transportation is severely damaged from an unmaintained roads massive pothole and hitting a deer in the same day. Three people rely on this one vehicle for all our jobs and interviews that are far from home. Donate if you can, if not, please share and thank you so very much.

Also including another picture here for you all to see. Thank you all again, I wish you better fortune this year.

[scientia-rex]

Hello, I appreciate your medical posts very much and having seen a post the other day where you said migraine was in your areas of special interest, I'd love to ask a related question. You talk about bodies and medicine and patient experience etc in a way that makes a lot of sense to me and I'd trust your take.

I have chronic migraine. I'm currently at 100% pain days, with varying severity. Very hard to pin down what is prodrome, the main event, and postdrome as it's all blurred into one. My migraine team want me to reduce painkiller usage (currently dihydrocodeine and paracetamol daily, and ibuprofen maybe every other day on top) due to rebound headache. I want to cut down because they're fucking expensive and I'm scared for my liver and kidneys. But I literally can't cope with life without them. I went off them for four months a few years ago and the pain was so severe and so debilitating I was the most suicidal I've been in my life. Without painkillers I can't get to the toilet unaided, rarely leave bed, even more rare to leave the house. It's hell. And that's not even considering the effects on everyone around me who has to pick up to care for me.

So what do I do? The way I see things, I need something to help the pain improve before I can use less painkillers, but the longer I go on trying to find something that works and not getting there, the more I think maybe I'm wrong in that. I know a bit about how codeine based painkillers can reduce your pain tolerance / pain baseline. I don't think it's an addiction issue because I've been at the same (over the counter) dosages for 4 years now. I just want to do all that I can to be better, but I also need to be alive to be better. I am stuck.

TL;DR - If you have any thoughts on the relationship between chronic migraine, painkiller use, preserving quality of life while finding a treatment, and increasing the chances of a treatment working, and where on earth the balance between all that lies, I'd really like to hear them.

Again, I absolutely appreciate if you can't answer this, don't want to etc. Giving advice online is notoriously tricky and all that. But a big thank you for your time in reading, and all your weight and exercise posts especially which make me feel so much better about my body. Wishing you all good things! 💖

I won't speak to your case directly, since I'm not your doctor, but here is my personal algorithm for escalating treatments for migraine (note that "abortives" in this case means something you take after a migraine starts to try to end it, while "prophylactic" means a daily treatment you take to reduce likelihood of developing a migraine):

-OTC combination of magnesium, feverfew, and butterbur, taken daily

-Triptans (insurance will usually demand patients fail at least 3 to cover a more expensive treatment)

-High-dose NSAIDs (as abortive treatment given risk of rebound headaches if used daily)

-Daily topiramate (insurance will always demand this is either failed or there's a clear contraindication)

-Daily calcium channel blockers

-Daily beta blockers (higher dose than used for anxiety or low-grade arrhythmias)

-Daily anti-epileptic medications (such as Lamictal)

-Monthly anti-CGRP monoclonal antibody injections (Aimovig or Ajovy; expensive so insurance will demand you've failed some or all of the previous meds)

-Abortive anti-CGRP orals (Nurtec or Ubrelvy)

-Abortive ergotamine, usually Migranal, a nasal spray (very expensive and must be repeated 15 minutes after initial dose regardless of whether symptoms are improving or not)

-Prophylactic Botox (I believe this is every 3 months, must be done in the office of a trained and licensed professional, usually but not always a Neurology provider)

-Sphenopalatine ganglion blocks (done by dripping lidocaine far back into the sinuses to reach the sphenopalatine ganglion, again in the office of a trained and licensed professional)

-Cephaly (transcranial magnetic stimulation at-home device), expensive so insurance hates covering it

Now, one of my newer tools, and my current personal favorite, is a greater occipital nerve block--easy and fast, low risk, and I've had about 90% success with my patients in aborting current headaches. Effects seem to last 3-4 weeks in most cases and since it's straight lidocaine (you don't have to include steroids, though you can) you can do it as often as needed. I generally do this in my office, but I did train one patient's spouse to do it at home given how frequent their headaches. The pharmacy lost their fucking mind about letting an outpatient have lidocaine. I don't know why.

I currently manage my pretty awful chronic migraines with a combination of monthly Aimovig, as-needed Excedrin (the combination of caffeine, Tylenol aka paracetamol, and aspirin is effective for many people but is a real risk for causing medication overuse headaches, the more official term for bounce-back), as-needed Ubrelvy (I can sleep after taking Ubrelvy but not Excedrin so it's a good option), and roughly monthly greater occipital nerve blocks (I teach my trainees to do it using myself as a subject). I wouldn't mind trying the Botox but it's a PITA to get in to see our only local Neurology provider and since my migraines are relatively well-controlled (probably 1-2 headache days a week right now) I don't think it's worth the effort.

I also really got a lot out of this lecture, so give it a try.

[sketchesandnonesense]

Kinda fucked up realizing that at the end of January it'll mark a full year I've been dealing with liver cancer.

2 years in general dealing with cancer, but I cant remember the precise day of my first diagnosis. Just that it was also around january/february.

The first time around was esophogeal cancer, technically. It was right on the borderline where my esophagus and stomach meet. "Late stage 2" they said.

Half my year was weeks full of radiation and weekly chemo days. Other half was getting my entire stomach removed along with that lower esophagus chunk to get rid of the tumor. Recovery was hell. Figuring out how to eat again was hell. Trying to get used to everything that'd been done to me was hell.

But I found normal again and the scans for afew months said I was cancer free.

Until they said they spotted something suspisious.

And then, January 31st they told me the biopsy results.

Cancer. Again.

More biopsies and tests and looking at options.

Back to going in for chemo days and feeling like shit for days on end. Already still beaten down from last time.

N this year's been kinda a roller coaster in the worst way. Every time things looked up, it all came back down hard.

Right now I'm on my 3rd different drug cocktail to see if it kills the cancer before it kills me.

First one was the most aggressive and miserable, i think, and I had to take home a chemo pump for a day that made it drag out how long I felt like total shit. It seemed to stop the growth for awhile on the scans. So it seemed worth it. Until it just. Stopped Working. The tumor had grown alittle more.

So onto the next one.

Second one I had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs so every chemo day I'd have to be put in a benadryl coma. Over time it got alittle more bearable with the immediate post-chemo-agony symptoms though. It actually worked stupid good for awhile there. First scans were really promising. The tumor was shrinking up.

And then it just. Also stopped working. My tumor hadnt shrunk at all between scans.

And worse: there were afew little "suspisious dots" peppering the inside of my liver that had been holding steady but were now growing.

And with how those drugs were fucking up my body, it wasn't worth putting me through it still with results that useless where its not being really contained.

So, i was off chemo entirely for abit while my docs figured out another treatment and whether insurance would cover.

I almost got into a medical trial they really thought looked promising and might help. Even so far as going to the clinic to see it and signing consent forms. Once they double checked my chart, though, and saw I literally didnt have a stomach though, they pulled away n decided I didnt qualify after all.

We'd even already scheduled my appointment days because we were so sure I was gonna do the trial.

Idk how they didnt see something That Important as a Disqualifier earlier, but what can ya do I guess.

They scanned me again before starting up chemo again. Seems in the time it took between drugs my tumor had pretty much grown back to original size. Back to square one. Plus the slowly encroaching New Spots.

N now I'm on my shiny new third drug. Second dose just yesterday. Day right after wasnt too bad last time, either, but I think once those really good Long Lasting "Don't Feel Like Death" drugs they gave me wore off I'm gonna be in a world of hurt.

I got 2 more doses, then we scan again.

And I don't know what I'll do if the results arent optimistic. Like. Even a "nothing has changed, its Contained" will work. Just anything.

Because I have only one other drug left to try if this one doesnt work. And my docs dont seem super confident in it. Though it also could be because its a pill and with No Stomach that makes things alot more complicated with oral medication.

After that?

I don't know.

I don't think any of us wanna talk about it much.

There's been the vague talk of finding other medical trials but nothing concrete.

Idk why I'm writing this, really. Just to get all my Cancer Lore down, maybe? Incase anyone's wanted to know.

My body's been totally destroyed by all this. I'm skin and bone but because I lost the weight so fast my skin doesnt Fit right anymore. And I think thats what fucks me up the worst. My clothes dont fit either, half the time. Even when it feels like I just bought some new pants that fit comfortably and then suddenly they're too big on me (or if I'm really lucky, too small).

Idk really how to end a post like this. I feel like I SHOULD be making some speech about Fighting and Not Giving Up or something optimistic.

But I just. Don't have it in me.

I dont really have some gloomy thoughts to dump either, though.

Today I just kinda feel numb. Atleast so far. The day is young.

I'm gonna try n figure out breakfast before I start feeling bad now lol

[on-my-way-to-the-woods]

It's not even been a full week yet (😭) but here's the summary of the last most-of-a-week:

My landlord appeared finally but unexpectedly. He's told us he was coming "tomorrow" a ton of times but didn't give warning about this one. He did finally pick up the tree he cut down... IDK, some time before last October - now that the city sent him a big fine a few weeks ago. He also mowed half the lawn (eating the extension cord we use to add lights to the porch 🫤). Mowing isn't his job, we do that. When I went out to say hi (and nudge him about fixing the leaking plumbing) he hurriedly made an excuse about needing to buy a belt for the mower and left. It's been 6 days and the mower is still in my yard 🤦

Had a therapy appointment. My therapist laughed at the face I made when I was trying to figure out how to describe the sensation I get from my new rescue inhaler. The feelings on that one are clearly more conflicted than my glowing review of how much the increased ICS is helping me 😅 I'm seriously unsure if I'm experiencing actual side effects or if SAMA inhalers are supposed to feel like a it's creature crawling down your throat and then crawling back up and building a nest under your jaw. It's disconcerting to say the least

5hr long medical testing for F. The results were normal. Whee

F got referred to a specialist about two weeks ago. They were able to get her in this week (and most of that wait was for verifying coverage - I was impressed). They recommended she get admitted to the associated hospital. They're supposed to be great, they can use stuff we can't administer at home, meds can be changed quickly (no back and forth MyChart messages), etc. They checked and insurance should cover it. We were excited, but also it was unexpected and we were several hours from home. The doctor said that the hospital provides medications - you're not supposed to bring your own except in very rare cases where they don't stock it - and they'd looked over F's list of current meds and said it'd be fine so we went out and bought some clothes and some toiletries. They did not have F's medications. On top of that, they apparently don't just order the stuff they don't have like a normal pharmacy would - and I'm not talking about rare stuff here, fucking Zyrtec was one of the medications they have not been able to provide. I was not able to go back the next day because I had my own medical appointment several hours in the other direction that I'd been waiting on for 7 months, so F went about 48hrs without multiple medications and no alternatives were offered (hell, if we weren't checking in with every staff member that stopped by I don't think we would have learned that the hospital pharmacy wasn't going to provide some of the stuff). I'm sure their care for the one condition is great, but they're royally fucking their progress on that front by royally fucking the rest of her care. She's not allowed to take any meds herself, they have to be provided to her by the staff (which has it's reasons), so it took over 2hrs from when she first needed her inhaler to when she actually received the proper medication 🤬 It has been a mess (and that's only one of several complaints I have)

I had my POTS evaluation finally. No tilt table or anything yet, just sit in the chair and check vitals then stand and check vitals every few minutes. It was one of the usual BP/HR machines you see in medical settings, nothing special, so it kept beeping loudly to draw attention to the high hear rate - it was a long ten minutes 😅 My sitting HR was above 100, but I still managed to more than beat the 30bpm change when standing criteria for POTS. I appreciated the provider, they're sure my problems all linked somehow and spent some time mulling not only on their area of specialty, but on my other symptoms as well. They also did a good job of providing support across the board: I have been given lifestyle recs, a beta blocker to try (a more selective one so hopefully no respiratory problems), and further testing - both testing towards ruling out other heart problems (I have one of those stick on heart rate monitors right now and an echo scheduled) and testing towards figuring out the cause of all this (more cancer tests and testing for tick borne illnesses). I was worried about this appointment, I'm not great at advocating for myself and usually F & I go together to all appointments, but it turned out well so far.

The first night with the heart rate monitor I didn't sleep at all because I was trying to pack everything F needs and find all her medications - after getting back late from my appointment.

Of course, it also happens to be the one week where I could get free bloodwork for the critters, so then I get to leave at 5am to drive them 2hrs away to get their own blood draws. Fun for the whole family this week.

After that, back to F, and I just kinda napped in the chair on and off as I did things like bring her ice packs because the room is not working for her heat-intolerance and bother the staff because she really needs that levalbuterol right now thank you (not the staff's fault, but someone needs to keep checking on it in order to keep it moving). Unfortunately, I have had to leave her because I'm exhausted and mildly allergic to the hospital - enough that I can be there, but it's not restful and I'm so worn out I had to go spend a day or two at home to recover :/ Can't have both of us trashed, but it's also not going well for her. Having me there doesn't make much of an impact on the problems, but at least then she's not alone :/

[brennacedria]

God, it never ends.

I'm supposed to have an echo done tomorrow, except when they called to confirm the amount with my insurance, they quoted almost $500.00 more than Brian was told my max would be. So he's been on the phone with both the doc's office and my insurance for me, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Turns out the self-pay amount is $628.00, all up front; my insurance "negotiated rate" with the hospital they fall under is something like $1,120.00. And, sure, the negotiated rate can be done on payments. And sure, it'll go towards my deductible. But it's still utter and absolute bullshit.

I'm still having the echo done, cause they're going to let me do the self-pay rate and I'll put it on my credit card. But they might have to reschedule the appointment with my doctor for after it, to review it, for another day so the billing office won't accidentally file both appointments under insurance. Apparently that's something that happens. 🙄

Also, nevermind that this is $628 that I'll have to pay off before I can start on Disney stuff. Not that Brian has the pricing done on his redo of my pricing. He seems to think we'll get to use his sister's Disney+ discount in some way, and I mean, if so, then great! It'd be stupid not to use it. But I'm almost positive they'll require the account holder to be one of the travellers, and even if not we'd have to go through her for any and all communication with Disney over the booking. At any rate, we're not booking until next month sometime so he won't be looking at that possibility until then.

I just... I want things to be simple. Work seems okay right now, but everything else? I want medical shit to be covered and I want the fucking vacation that we fucking deserve.

Why is that so much to ask?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 16

who was anon (new), 6 anon, tired anon, lost anon, spikes anon (new), mocks anon, parrot (🦜) anon (new), segment anon (new), perchance anon

Who was anon

Hi! I don't know if you remember (I don't remember exactly when and I didn't bother to go looking) but I'm the one that sent the story about my little siblings reading Harry Potter and asking me about the marauders?

Anyway follow up story

I took my younger brother to a used book store and they have those kids biographies? Called "who was..." and then there's different names? Well he doesn't really... know all the stuff about jkr? Just cause he's young and honestly my parents aren't into Harry Potter so I don't think they know anything about that. Anyway he was like Look! They have the Harry Potter lady! And I was like ehhhhh how bout no and helped him find someone else.

I guess that's not very funny now that I've written it down but at the time it made me giggle. Idk

Hahahaha no that makes me laugh too. Like "Uhhhhh how about not?"

______________

6 anon

The best way to eat grapes is frozen and I stand by that.

Anyways I started a new book yesterday. It's called Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White. It's so good and the cover art is amazing!!

And MIFA states are in 2 days!! I am very excited, and I have a concert tonight and I'm first chair!!

Life is going pretty well right now, so enjoy some grapes 🍇 (they are frozen)-6 anon

OMG my wife eats frozen grapes too!

Good luck at states...if my math is right, I think they're today! I hope it's going amazing!!! Let me know!

_____________

Tired Anon

Hi Cas, tired anon here, it's definitely been a rough few weeks 😅 to answer one of your questions, I haven't ever been in a situation where I need to confront my mom so I have no idea if she'd be receptive. I've argued back (mildly, and very very quietly) on some occasions and she just gets defensive and doubles down on whatever reason she has, or she just resorts to "well because I pay the mortgage" which I don't think is a very valid argument. In either case, I spoke to my step sister about all of this and we had a very long heart-to-heart for about 2 hours where I realized a lot about my mother that I'm not really sure I wanted to know lol. She also gave me the perspective that if I started arguing back or defending them, it would put my mom in a worse mood and would end up making everyone's lives worse, which I completely agree with. As it turns out, the insurance we have now actually DOES cover therapy (yay!), so I'm going to look into it. As of right now, I'm fine, I'm just pretending like everything is normal and spending a lot more time out of the house than I used to, and I'm trying to get in to working out as a sort of outlet until everything fixes itself 😮‍💨

Hi <3 I'm so sorry you've had to realize some things about your mom. I feel like that happens to so many people and it's the absolute worst feeling to realize your parents aren't the people you wish they could be. I'm sending you so much love as you try to process that.

I'm glad you can look into therapy! I hope you're able to find someone helpful! Keep me updated if you want <3

_________

Lost anon

HI

this is Lost Anon, it’s been a minute. I just wanted to give you some updates.

My teacher ended up taking the assignment, I got full marks and finished the semester with an A.

I worked things out with my friends, we’re doing a lot better on communication stuff now.

I’m doing generally better too, I feel way less stressed than I did previously and I’m over all doing pretty great.

I hope you had a wonderful new year, and I wish you many many good days.

-Lost Anon

Ahhh I'm so glad things are better! That makes me so happy to hear! I'm wishing you a wonderful year as well, but if you ever need anything, you know where to find me!

_______________

Spikes Anon

hi so I have a problem.

I have a large friend group, right, and all of us are pretty comfortable with each other so we're fine hugging, touching, we even kiss each other's cheeks like we're great.

problem is for me specifically, I don't mind physical touch but there's a limit, like when one person is constantly without permission touching me then it pisses me off and makes me feel all weird and scratchy inside like I want to jump out of my skin it's terrible and I hate it.

so lately, one of my friends has become extremely touchy, putting their hands on my face, hugging me randomly, holding my arm, pulling me towards them, and their hands are cold and it makes it worse because I hate cold hands on me it's just...ugh, you know

but there's no way to tell them that without hurting them because they're really sensitive, and I don't wanna do tat but also I can't take it anymore, I have to keep making excuses to pull away and I'm genuinely seconds away from slapping them across the face because I can't control it it just spikes this unnatural irritating feeling and it's painful, and I get mad and I don't wanna hurt their feelings but I can't not say anything. I'm scared if I tell any of my other friends they'll say I'm being mean and dramatic and get mad at me bc they won't understand

so yeah if you have any advice that's be really helpful

Hi <3

I definitely understand where you're coming from on this one. Here's the thing: if you don't say something, it definitely could turn out bad. Because you could get overwhelmed and say something in the moment that actually is hurtful, you know? Not saying you want to be hurtful, but I know when I get overwhelmed I can sometimes say hurtful things I don't mean.

You have a right to set boundaries. So you need to sit this friend down alone and calmly explain that sometimes you get overwhelmed and it has NOTHING to do with them, but sometimes you need space and you're going to ask for it. You can say you care and you love hugging them most of the time, but occasionally you need space.

You can be gentle but firm and then- and this is important- if the friend does get sad, just repeat that its not them and it has nothign to do with how you feel about them, but youre not changing your mind.

Setting boundaries isn't mean and you should never feel guilty for doing that. Also, it's good to start getting in the habit of doing this now because, god forbid if someone in the future is trying to do something more inappropriate that you don't like, you'll know how to firmly say no.

_____________

Mocks anon

hey it's mocks anon

I have a maths assessment tomorrow. It's basically going to be judging what level of exam I take the week after and if I don't get the highest mark, my parents are going to freak

and I'm scared, I don't know what to do I've studied but I'm not good at maths and I always get stressed and mess up even if I know what I'm meant to do

and the thing is, whenever I know I have something stressful coming up, this weird feeling comes up in my chest. like I have a black hole of sorrow, fear, hopelessness, burnout, and pure genuine stress stuck there. and it doesn't go away; idk how to describe it but I just have this ugly terrifying feeling and I hate it so much but I can't do anything about it. It starts up even a month before the event and stays for a long time after even if it was successful, like it's indefinite and very, very problematic because it makes me focus less, and i have it right now and it hurts

anyway sorry for ranting, I'm just scared and tired and I don't even know.

Hi <3

I hope the exam went okay! Remember that no matter what your parents say, you are worth more than one exam score.

It sounds like you get really anxious when it comes to things like these. Are you able to seek out therapy to maybe work on some coping strategies when you feel like this? I know this feeling can be like....so overwhelming it can be almost debilitating and you deserve to be able to be happy, even during stressful times!

______________

Parrot Anon

Hi <3

I just want to say that the comments people are making about your eating are super inappropriate and mean, and you absolutely have a right to be upset about them. Also...like who wouldn't have a strained relationship with food after all of that?

Honestly, as someone who has struggled with food their entire life, I think it's REALLY hard to deal with it alone. I think it's the type of thing you need therapy for. I'd suggest, if you can, looking for a therapist who specializes in EDs. Not because I think you have an ED, but because other untrained therapists might accidentally say something triggering.

Having a healthy relationship with food is a psychological thing imo, so you have to go at it from that perspective.

Sending love!

________________________

Segment anon

Hi!

Wow, this is definitely eerie. "Living waterfall" really got me. I would just add some details about how the narrator is physically feeling. Like do they feel cold? Have goosebumps? Etc.

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Perchance Anon

Hi it’s perchance anon. (That’s so crazy that I’ve got a name!) So I’ve been thinking it over and maybe I’m somewhere under the non-binary umbrella. I’m really having a hard time finding anything to read online that could be helpful at all. It weird because it’s not that I hate being a girl, it’s great most of the time, but there are definitely times where I find myself wishing I could not be a woman? Even during normal situations where there’s not some ‘downside’ of being a woman going on. Like I’m thinking about it and most of the time I don’t think of myself as a woman, like sure I am but like I wouldn’t care if someone saw me as something else either? Idk if that’s just me being secure in myself or if this is something. I’m not really sure and I know you probably have just as much clue as what’s going on in my as I do but if there’s any resources you could point me to that might help me figure this out that would be so helpful. Thank you!

Hi!

Maybe look at this website that lists different identities under the nonbinary umbrella? You can see if any of them shout out to you!

[icepixie]

I'm trying not to spiral as more and more cabinet picks and other incoming administration news comes out, but holy hell. Dr. Oz? Really? I guess he's technically more healthcare-related than RFK Jr, but...really?

Both NIH grants that pay my salary are going in for renewal within the next 14 months. I would be a lot more comfortable if we already had said grants in hand, because I suspect if the NIH budget is cut, they'll pay out their existing obligations/grants before funding new ones.

I am less concerned about the maximum lifetime cap protections of the ACA disappearing, because I've read that unwinding a program/law like that would be very difficult and take a long time (and the repeal never passed in the last Trump admin), but if they do? I am SCREWED. I'm positive I've cost my employer's insurance well over a million dollars by now. And I still need four very expensive drugs.

I guess the silver lining there is I get all my care through the medical center I work for, and my expensive drugs through their pharmacy, so they might actually be incentivized to keep me so I keep paying them? I have no idea. If so, I would really never be able to leave my job. Hope the NIH doesn't get gutted and we all get let go.

Not even thinking about pre-existing conditions restrictions coming back. If it comes to that, I'm better off with no insurance, because I've had a problem with every organ/bodily system at some point in the last 10 years, so absolutely nothing that could go wrong with me would be covered. I vaguely recall that employer insurance at least didn't have those for the most part pre-2010...

I've been making a concerted effort to avoid news related to Trump, but inevitably some leaks through. We haven't really talked about the NIH stuff at work, but you can tell everyone's on edge. This sucks even more than I expected two weeks ago on election night. (Has it really only been two weeks?)

[trans-stew]

starting to realize I'm going to have to work on climbing the government worker ladder if I ever want to be able to afford top surgery or minor ffs things.

I wonder how hard it is to get in on federal work with no specialty work experience.... I mean 2 or 3 years of struggle as I'm at rn, pay off my car, then try for a fed job.

my goal is the better pay and mandated pay raises and job security. plus maybe I'd be able to bully their insurance into covering trans stuff? my current job is like... they don't know I'm trans. the insurance doesn't know I'm trans. and it's literally illegal for my insurance to cover trans stuff because Florida is a trans hell zone legally, but federal insurance should maybe be able to cover it?

only thing I can think of otherwise is going public sector and trying to get into a tech support role somewhere but their industry is kinda imploding right now and I've got no experience so 🤷‍♀️